The Buzzed Journey pt. 3
Well hello there, it’s great to have you here!
It has been 6 weeks since the big chop! Which means it’s been enough time to have lived through pretty much all my typical interactions. Therefore, my hair is much less the topic of discussion as of late, and the shock factor has worn off. It feels like entering a whole new chapter, and in some ways, as if I am past the stage of acceptance… giving room for my own awareness and thoughts.
*R E L E A S E* keeps echoing in my newly empty mind.
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Although it is easy to understand the idea that releasing all of which that is not serving us will set us free, it is difficult to practice it in every day life. We often build autopilot attachments (for better or worse) over time, which creates a false sense of safety and comfort. When in reality, that comfort is due to indecision more than anything. I’ve realized cutting my hair was a decision to let go. To let go of muting myself, my interest, and my beliefs. To let go of my attachments to my appearance and desire for universal acceptance.
Looking back, a certain amount of my thoughts were caught up in observing how people would respond to my choice. For example, I was going to an event for the first time and I wondered about how differently strangers would perceive me compared to before. I felt a new kind of curiosity, as well as a new sense of vulnerability, and confidence! I had a sense of pride in my decision to cut my hair… I believe that pride comes from the fears I overcame to get here, and my commitment to opening up about my beliefs.
I understand that making unwavering decisions is the path to happiness. It makes sense! Almost nothing is as black and white as we like to think, there isn’t some clean category between good and bad (unless it is harming another living thing for personal benefit of course). So it is best to make decisions in such a way that you can fully commit with your mind, body, and spirit. That being said, I have been historically TERRIBLE at making even the simplest of decisions. I am starting to see that so much of how I made my decisions was based on how others would perceive them. I also lacked a sense of certainty over things, as if I want to know it is the best decision before I fully commit. But recently my inner voice says….
“Release Sammy, release the idea that there is some clear right and wrong in your decision. Release your sense of insecurity. These decisions are for YOUR life, it is important to build the life that brings YOU joy and freedom”. Sometimes that brings a sense of relief, and sometimes a sense of overwhelm. It is difficult to live with such awareness that the subsequent effects of that decision are ours, that we must accept the terms of every single decision. Which means holding ourselves accountable, and apologizing if our decisions hurt someone else. All we can do is learn from our past, and continue to care for our present. We need to care for our present moment in such a way that we continue to grow our compassion, both for ourselves, and those around us.
I’m learning, and I am not perfect at any of this. But I am ready to see the potential that lives in the space we fill without even realizing it. To make decisions in the moment rather than defaulting to what is already known.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read! I hope this inspires you to discover new ideas and options that bring you joy and freedom. Have a wonderful day <3
